He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
