The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
