As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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