I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
I'm jealous of your bromance
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
