My cat gives me a boner
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Use "feeling words"
Yay
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize