there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize