I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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