Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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