I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
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