If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
