FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
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