this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
