I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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