Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
