she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Randomize
