Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
