I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
