Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
