She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
