Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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