my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
Swine flu is the new snow day.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Alive.
So much puke
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
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