Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
