Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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