she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
