bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Randomize
