GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
