he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
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