girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
