Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
