Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
