I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
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