The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Randomize
