Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Randomize
