well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
