So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
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