This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Randomize