I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
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