My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Randomize
