suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
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