fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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