I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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