Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Randomize
