just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
