This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
