i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Randomize
