Do you still have your period?
zippers are such a cool invention
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize
