why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
