five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
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