How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
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