Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize