My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
even my farts smell like vagina
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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