At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
Randomize
