oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
All the doctor said was why
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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