At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Randomize
