at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
