I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
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