I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
