i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Randomize
