Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
