I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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