I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
