I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Your penis caused this!
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
