So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Randomize
