Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
