ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
