You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
