I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
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