He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
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