I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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