I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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