shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
tell me about the eggs
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