I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
