you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
