Im at strip club and am horny
We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
