So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
