i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
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