fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
