K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
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