i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Randomize